Personal Health Journey,  Uncategorized

This is what it’s like to have an episode of paralysis

*Trigger Warning* – This may be hard for some people to read. Sensitive content. Uh, made me emotional so I would be wary if you are struggling with depression or anything like that right now cuz it could make you really sad. I wrote about what it’s like when I have full body paralysis so please don’t read if that makes you uncomfortable or really sad. It may not be that bad but just figured I’d give a warning.

——————————————————————————————————————– This is what it was like when I would have to get up every morning for school to catch the bus in high school at 5-6am. This was before we knew what was going on with me, before I had a diagnosis. I had forgotten how helpless it can make you feel until recently.

Ugh, what’s with the light? Don’t come near me, I’m asleep. Oh no. I can’t open my eyes. It’s happening again. I wish that they would stop calling my name because I can’t respond. It’s impossible to respond despite how badly I want to. Stop telling me to get up because I can’t. I’m paralyzed. I can’t make my body move. I’m trying to tell you but you can’t hear me. Please don’t yell at me. I can hear everything that you are saying loud and clear. Every vowel and syllable echoes in my head a million times. I’m begging you not to touch me. Each touch and shake makes every nerve in my body scream sending shock-waves that throw me deeper into a state of paralysis. I want to scream and cry all at the same time but all I can do is lay here. Silently. Hoping that you go away eventually.

They aren’t yelling anymore. The sounds are getting quieter. The syllables are softer, more tired sounding. There is no more shaking. The light turns off. Bliss. Darkness. Peace and quiet. I fall back to sleep again.

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