2020 has been the longest year ever. Like watching the sun come sit close to the horizon but never setting. We wait for it, expect it, anticipate it. But the night sky never shows. Everyday passes by quickly, but still somehow the year drags on. It’s hard to believe that this is the same year that we lost icons like Kobe Bryant and Chadwick Boseman (we looked up to them so much as black people, Black Panther felt like such a win and such a huge loss). They feel like two very different time periods. Like it happened years ago.
It’s been a year of loss for black people, disabled people, for women, for trans people, for the LGBTQ+ community, for all marginalized people in more ways than one (if I say more about it I will dissolve into a emotional mess or write pages and pages). I want to cry for them but no tears will come out, so I lay here in the dark staring at the ceiling.
In some ways it doesn’t feel real. Thousands and thousands of covid deaths. The chaotic insanity that is America right now. But the pain is real, the social isolation, the hollow ache for physical touch (it is SO hard not being able to express my love for family and friends through hugs). The lives lost from COVID are very real. It feels like we are constantly grieving, if we stop to think about the year we’ve all been through long enough. There aren’t any words for all of the feelings. But I think this short piece is enough.